I have this love-hate-relationship with the German language. I’m quite used to speaking German now as I have to converse in it everyday! I used to think in English and speak in German for the first few years in Germany. However due to the stark difference in the grammatic of both languages, I realized that it doesn’t work in the long run. I have to think in German in order to speak correct German.

So what I did was to get myself a German boyfriend. So what I did was to join a study group with only German speaking students. That was not difficult as I was the only Asian in the class. As my German improved, my confidence in speaking the language doubled.

I didn’t have to think before I say anything. I didn’t have to rehearse what I was going say in my mind to make sure my grammar was correct before saying it out loud in German. Sometimes I still do, if I was going to say something important.

As of now, my situation is completely reversed. I’m starting to think and swear in German! My other languages suffer as a result of my lack of practice. I realized one day, to my horror, how deteriorated my English was, when conversing with someone who doesn’t speak German. I have to scratch my head to find the correct translation of a German word into English, that’s something that has never happened to me before. Alarm bells are ringing!

My Malay language has long since went down the drain. It was totally embarrassing as I recalled myself struggling to write a simple formal letter in Malay some months ago, which was peanuts if I were to write it during Form 5. Not to mention that I went to a Malay school some more. My Malay-language teachers must be shaking their heads when they got wind of my BM standard now . I think in the end, I really pity the person who get to read my badly composed letter .

There’s no good news either about my Cantonese, my mother tongue. Whenever I get to meet up with some fellow Malaysians, they’ll complained that they have to sometimes explain the meaning of some Cantonese words to me. I couldn’t help it if my knowledge of Cantonese vocabulary is so limited, although I grow up in a Cantonese speaking environment. Sometimes if you don’t use those words often enough, they won’t automatically end up in your choice of words, do they?

There are times that I haven’t spoken Cantonese for the whole week! Sometimes I didn’t even noticed that it’s been that long, since I’ve last spoken a word of Cantonese until I call home to speak with my parents. Long enough for me to have this kind of feeling that I might be starting to forget the vocabulary of my mother tongue! How bizarre!

However I don’t believe you can ‘unlearn’ your mother tongue. I’m glad that my German language has improved a great deal, but I really need to put some effort to polish my other languages as well. Speaking Cantonese still comes as naturally for me as buying shoes breathing, but I can’t guarantee what will happen in 10 years time!

I couldn’t help but wonder, in what language am I going to bring up my child one day eh?